How to make the case for Israel and win

As seen on Jews Sans Frontiers

To the benefit of the many not-very-bright zionist wannabe apologists who read this blog assiduously, I decided to offer a clear and simple method of arguing the case for Israel. This clear and simple method has been distilled from a life spent listening to and reading Zionist propaganda. It is easy to follow and results are guaranteed or your money back.

So don’t hesitate! Take advantage NOW of this revolutionary rhetorical system that will make YOU a great apologist for Israel in less time than it takes to shoot a Palestinian toddler in the eye.

Ready? 1..2..3..GO!

You need to understand just one principle:

The case for Israel is made of four propositions that should always be presented in the correct escalating order.

1.We rock
2.They suck
3.You suck
4.Everything sucks

That’s it. Now you know everything that it took me a lifetime to learn. The rest is details; filling in the dotted lines.

You begin by saying how great Israel is. Israel want peace; Israel is the only democracy in the Middle East; the desert blooms; kibutz; Israelis invented antibiotics, the wheel, the E minor scale; thanks to the occupation Palestinians no longer live in caves; Israel liberates Arab women; Israel has the most moral army in the world, etc.

This will win over 50% of your listeners immediately. Don’t worry about the factual content. This is about brand identity, not writing a PhD. Do you really think BP is ‘beyond petroleum’?

Then you go into the second point: They suck. Here you talk about the legal system of Saudi Arabia, gay rights in Iran, slave trade in the Sudan, Mohammad Atta, the burqa, Palestinians dancing after 9/11, Arafat’s facial hair, etc.

There is only one additional principle you need to understand here. It will separate you from the amateurs. You need to know your audience. If you’ve got a crowd already disposed to racist logic, go for it with everything you have. But if you get a liberal crowd, you need to sugar coat the racism a bit. Focus on women rights, human rights, religious tolerance, “clash of civilizations”, terrorism, they teach their children to hate, etc. Deep down your audience WANTS to enjoy racism and feel superior. They just need the proper encouragement so they can keep their sophisticated self-image. Give them what they crave and they’ll adore you! But be careful not to ‘mix n match,’ because it will cost you credibility.

When you’re done, there will always be dead-enders insisting that abuse of gays in Iran does not justify ethnic cleansing in Palestine. Take a deep breath, and pull the doomsday weapon: You suck!

You’re a Jew-hater, Arab-lover, anti-Semite, you’re a pinko, a commie, a dreamer, a naive, a self-hater, you have issues, your mother worked for the Nazis, Prince Bandar buys you cookies, you forgot you were responsible for the holocaust, etc. The more the merrier. By the time you end this barrage, only a handful would be left standing. For mopping them up, you use the ultimate postmodern wisdom: Everything sucks.

War, genocide, racism, oppression are everywhere. From the Roma in Italy to the Native-Americans in the U.S., the weak are victimized. Why pick on Israel? It’s the way of the world. Look! Right is only in question between equals in power; the strong do what they can and the weak suffer what they must. Ethics, schmethics. Life is a tale told by an idiot, full of sound and fury, signifying nothing. Eat, drink! Carpe diem! The Palestinians would throw us into the sea if they could. Ha ha!

Trust me, that’s as far as words can go. If you followed this method faithfully, you’ve done your work. You should leave the few who are still unconvinced to the forces of order.

Congratulations!
You are now ready to apologize for Israel like a pro.



11 Responses to “Holy Hasbara!:How To Make The Case For Israel & Win”  

  1. 1 ZionismIsRacism

    bravo, couldn’t sum up the zionazi apologist position better, except you forgot the trademark sign next to holocaust and anti-Semite of course!

  2. 2 the cook

    hypotheticley, my nieghbor just raped my 5 year old and then shot my wife but thats ok he’s from israel.oh i get it now,so simple i must be stupid goy.forgive and forget is so yesterday. if i did wrong i would be punished and given no sympathy,what makes israel any different.

  3. 3 Ray O Hope

    oh boy, that sums it up, all my life as an arab american, I have heard those lines over and over again, I am amazed at how long and well thought out this zionist plan is,all the work and effort it toke year after year to carry out this plan, as if it is something right out of the protocols of the learned elders of zion , that the world as well as the american people was fooled and lied to by Government and media and sold on this goody goody israel P.S.
    KNOWING THAT OF WHAT ISRAEL AND THE SO CALLED FREE WORLD GOVERNMENTS WERE UP TO IN THE MIDDLE EAST, OUT RIGHT SALUTER, THEFT, WAR CRIMES, SLAVERY AND ETHNIC CLEANSING, and how savage it has become in the later years, as if this evil plan is coming to a climax, as they are (zionist owned free world) speaking of using nukes to bring about PEACE in the Middle East, TO ME IT IS LOOKING MORE AND MORE LIKE……..THE DAYS OF THE ANTI-CHRIST , you can call me crazy but seeing and knowing what i have seen and known all my life here and back home it is nothing short of biblical, A FIGHT BETWEEN GOOD AND EVIL. MAY GOD HELP US ALL.

  4. 4 No Name

    You forgot. They were chased off the land by the Romans 2000 years ago and have the right of return. The locals are interlopers.

  5. Sadly, I have seen this in most of the debates I have had.. The biggest one that I have seen come out in the last two points is “Israel is a tiny nation, compared to all those big huge Arab nations” because apparently when dealing with Zionism, the size of your “thing” matters..

  6. 6 syrian price

    Thanks for showing Western people how to support the Arab Muslim jihad against Israel and everything it stands for! We value loyal friends like you.

  7. 7 realistic bird

    Right to the last dot. :D It is the method of derailing the discussion with lies so the real issue is forgotten.

    *Thumbs up*

  8. 8 Ploni Almoni

    FUCK MUSLIMS. YOU WILL NEVER DEFEAT JEWS.

    • 9 politicaltheatrics

      Muslims?
      People fighting your evil ‘ism’ (i.e. Zionism) come from all walks of life – Atheists,Muslims,Christians,Buddhists and…

      JEWS!

      You have no premise,contentions or otherwise..
      Cursing doesn’t help you when others are using logic against you.

      Humanity will defeat your Zionism and we have already started.

      Do you remember your cowardice in 2006 during the Lebanon war?
      You will be defeated,again.

  9. 10 Ploni Almoni

    Bullshit.

    There’s no logic here, no objectivity, no facts, no truth. There’s only propaganda based on irrational, intolerant, repressive Koran-mandated hatred with its roots in barbaric & narcissistic 7th century tribalism.

    • 11 politicaltheatrics

      I’ve never mentioned the “Koran” let alone anything about repression that isn’t based on the teachings of Zionism – which is nothing more than a form of intolerance and greater-than-thou mandated genocide.

      Morality doesn’t have to tie itself to spirituality, that’s why I speak of it instead of religion.

      You are trying to separate the masses by making it ‘Muslim’ vs. everyone else when I have never even said I was Muslim nor have I mentioned faith beyond moral red lines.
      Basically,in layman’s terms,you’re saying that because I don’t support the ethnic cleansing committed by Israel I must be a Muslim.
      Good thinking their sonny.

      You’re making baseless assumptions that have validity and you haven’t made a case for yourself.
      An anti-Zionist is not always a Muslim so you’re asinine blanket statement is nothing but laughable, unless you wish to feign ignorance about the Jews who are Anti-Zionist.

      “Zionism is no more capable of producing laws seeking justice than Nazism was capable of producing laws seeking justice. Zionist courts are no more capable of giving objective verdicts than Nazi courts were capable of giving objective verdicts. As ideological diseases, Zionism and Nazism have no room for justice or objectivity. They can only produce a parody of law and a travesty of justice.”

      There are Jews who side with Palestine against Israel & Zionism such as:
      1. Neturei Karta
      2. Jews Not Zionists
      3. International Jewish Anti-Zionist Network

      I have plenty more if you like, only proving my contention valid and leaving your “no objectivity” cries in the dark.

      But let me guess, they’re Self-Hating Jews ay?


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